When I think of setting External Boundaries DNA Strand 9 I think of Self Compassion, Self Understanding, and Self Love. Setting boundaries requires us to accept and change what causes us pain and suffering. Recognizing how we cling to the known and our fear of changing what we don’t need and want. Fear of being rejected or not loved. Fear of seeing reality as it is and not our interpretation which excuses our behavior and others. We may want it to be different; but if we don’t acknowledge the reality and take action with authenticity, nothing changes and we suffer a lot.
Pain is an unpleasant sensation that can range from mild, localized discomfort to agony. Pain has both physical and emotional components. The physical part of pain results from nerve stimulation. Pain may be contained to a discrete area, as in an injury, or it can be more diffuse. Our experience of pain is then dictated by our thoughts and feelings about it.
Emotional pain has to do with feelings and the story we tell about our pain. When faced with a great loss, an embarrassing moment, or a gigantic adversary, we feel emotional pain psychological pain, mental pain, or emotional pain is an unpleasant feeling of a psychological, non-physical origin. When we feel emotional pain like heartache, for example, we are experiencing a blend of emotional stress and our feelings about it. The stress-induced sensations can be in our chest—muscle tightness, increased heart rate, abnormal stomach activity, and shortness of breath. When we feel emotional pain, the same areas of the brain get activated as when we feel physical pain.
Pain and suffering are different and come in many forms. Suffering is about perception and interpretation. It is our mental and emotional relationship to what is perceived as an unpleasant or undesirable experience. Our stories and beliefs about what is happening or did not happen to shape our interpretation of it. Buddhism talks about different types of suffering. One type is through painful experiences and wanting them to be different. Such as old age, sickness, and death. Suffering also is caused by constant change. People losing something they are attached to or holding onto something that is not good for them. Suffering is caused by personal desire to have the experience be different and the fear of losing or attaching to a way of experiencing the pain. It is the mental explanations we give ourselves beyond the physical or emotional neurological experience that causes suffering.
In the Buddhist tradition, there are Four Noble Truths that show the way out of suffering.
1. Life is suffering. Life is suffering because of illness, death, old age, greed, anger, desire, and ignorance, etc. It is a part of being human.
2. The reason we suffer is because we want it to be different and don’t accept the experience. Suffering is caused by the wounded stories our ego tells us about the experience. We do not accept the experience. We intellectually know it has happened but we want it to be different. And in not accepting the experience we suffer. It doesn’t mean by accepting that we don’t feel pain – emotionally, physically, spiritually, and mentally. It means that we add our wounded stories and interpretation to the experience that makes us suffer.
3. There’s a way out.
4 The way out is through the Eight Fold Path. For me the center of the eightfold path is meditation, resting in Stillness, Oneness, and Unconditional Love. When we rest in Divine Wisdom and accept the experience even if we don’t like it, we still feel the pain but the added ego talk and denial is not governing us. We will know what to do through the Eight Fold Path of right understanding, right thought, right speech, right action, right livelihood, right effort, right mindfulness and right concentration. Not right as opposed to wrong, but right with authenticity, integrity, and wisdom. We still grieve and feel the pain but the added layer of ego-wounded stories is not added to it.
When we accept what is True in this moment, we realize we can set boundaries with others and with ourselves because we accept what is true and not wishful thinking of wanting it to be different. When actions do not match words we sometimes say “I know they love me”. But if we really don’t feel and experience love, it is important to acknowledge and speak up for our truth and set boundaries.. We teach people how to treat us by what we accept. Our needs matter. What we want to experience in our life is important. It is important to live authentically and with integrity. As we change others may rebel and push back but staying with our Truth and reality of what it allows us to know our Divine Wisdom and Divine Timing.
It is important to give time to grieve our losses and also be aware of the stories we are telling. It is also important to check in with Divine Wisdom to what is true. When we recognize our mental state as spinning and suffering, it is important to get out of our head. Take a walk, breathe, exercise, talk to a friend, paint, or sing. Once we are back in our body we can just look at the facts. What are the facts of what happened, describing like a movie we are watching? Then we can look at what we want to create mentally, emotionally, and physically. Once we understand what we want to create we can see clearly what we need. Listening to Divine Wisdom, then we take a small action step. We may have to do this many times in the process of working with our pain.
I invite you to share in the comments below:
- What pain are you working within your life?
- How do you set boundaries in a healthy way?
- What areas are you adding suffering?
Love & Blessings Diana Bonnici
Multi Dimensional Light Bearer
Energy Medicine Institute